Not only did I make it through my traditional stumbling block of Day 4 I did it despite having a huge upset with my 13 year old. Well I can't really take credit for that really as I was "trapped" at home when this happened so couldn't drink anything anyway but still I did make it.
Boy I can see why alcohol is my usual go to when I am upset - having to deal with things sober is just awful really - I was an emotional wreck all evening. Poor husband had to cope with my crying and crying, being all sorry for myself etc. But he was happier coping with a crying, sober wife than a drunk one. I'm at least a little more rational and don't go saying things I would have regretted today.
So, yay I'm on Day 5. I've only had two Day 5s and they were both successful so this one will be too (see how it is all in my mind!). I am working from home all day today which is usually very dangerous territory but luckily today I have a work event I have to be at between 4-6pm so I can't drive to that/turn up to that after drinking. Probably normally I would have still had at least 2 RTDs though at lunchtime so it still isn't plain sailing. But I have my eyes on the big prize - I somehow need to drag myself to Day 28 and I feel from there it surely must get much easier (from reading blogs of people who are up to day 20-something they do seem to be struggling less from hour to hour).
There really is no easy way through this is there - no magic pill that I can take to make me stop wanting to drink. I just have to somehow not drink and then eventually I won't want to.
Today's Benefit of Becomg Sober - I don't have to hide empty cans/bottles around the house/in the garden until I can dispose of them secretly. Always worrying they'll be discovered.
Tuesday, 5 August 2014
Monday, 4 August 2014
Day 4 - Routine changed to prevent me from drinking
Day 4s are rare events - during this whole year of trying desperately to stop drinking I've only had two successful Day 4s. So getting through today will be a mini turning point.
In February I got all the way through to Day 14 when I had a brainwave that a single RTD was a great idea as a "reward" for doing so well. We all know how that story ends. Then in May I got all the way to Day 12 but my "key trigger event" occurred and I decided a bottle of wine was a perfect way to solve the problem "just this time" (of course it wasn't). In between there have been numerous Day 1s, quite a few Day 2s and a sprinkling of Day 3s. But just those 2 successful Day 4s - it's almost become a self-fulfilling prophecy "I can't seem to make it past Day 3".
Today fortunately I am only working from home until 12.30pm (normally the time that I go to the liquor store - any earlier looks dodgy - once it is lunchtime buying drinks can pass for "picking up the drinks for tonight while I'm out" rather than "alcoholic drinking during the work day" - I'm probably kidding myself on that one!). At 1pm I have a girl's work lunch and then a meeting with my boss at the main office until 4pm. Then I have to race to pick up my kids by 5pm and so by the time I'm home close to 6pm the worst is over (as during this year I've changed from being an evening drinker to an afternoon drinker as I have to do it while hubby is at work).
I'm going to take all the advice I'm given, follow any tips I come across. Starting with blogging every day and commenting on other people's blogs - tick. Replacement drink - tick (energy drinks - they'll be the next thing to cross off my addictions list, least of my worries right now though).
Today's Benefit of Becomg Sober - I've had 3 nights of delicious sleep.
In February I got all the way through to Day 14 when I had a brainwave that a single RTD was a great idea as a "reward" for doing so well. We all know how that story ends. Then in May I got all the way to Day 12 but my "key trigger event" occurred and I decided a bottle of wine was a perfect way to solve the problem "just this time" (of course it wasn't). In between there have been numerous Day 1s, quite a few Day 2s and a sprinkling of Day 3s. But just those 2 successful Day 4s - it's almost become a self-fulfilling prophecy "I can't seem to make it past Day 3".
Today fortunately I am only working from home until 12.30pm (normally the time that I go to the liquor store - any earlier looks dodgy - once it is lunchtime buying drinks can pass for "picking up the drinks for tonight while I'm out" rather than "alcoholic drinking during the work day" - I'm probably kidding myself on that one!). At 1pm I have a girl's work lunch and then a meeting with my boss at the main office until 4pm. Then I have to race to pick up my kids by 5pm and so by the time I'm home close to 6pm the worst is over (as during this year I've changed from being an evening drinker to an afternoon drinker as I have to do it while hubby is at work).
I'm going to take all the advice I'm given, follow any tips I come across. Starting with blogging every day and commenting on other people's blogs - tick. Replacement drink - tick (energy drinks - they'll be the next thing to cross off my addictions list, least of my worries right now though).
Today's Benefit of Becomg Sober - I've had 3 nights of delicious sleep.
Sunday, 3 August 2014
Day 3 - White knuckling
Well to be honest it isn't even white knuckling - my prison guard (hubby) is home sick so instead of being able to sneak off to get a few RTDs while he is at work I am stuck in my home office sober.
I had a little cry before hoping he'd relent "but I'm so stressed due to the busy week ahead and how many emails I have to do, a couple of drinks would make it better". "No they won't". And he is right - the urge eventually passed and now I am fine.
Damn, I am annoyed at myself though - I would have been back to Day 1 tomorrow if he wasn't home.
It is a habit system I have to break as well as the whole idea that a few RTDs is a reward, a treat, a way of destressing etc. I've read in a few blogs that we should treat ourselves in other ways for the first few weeks so I'm going to go buy a couple of books online this evening as a treat (another addiction of mine).
Luckily tomorrow (Day 4) I won't be working from home and have a meeting at work with my boss until 4pm so my awful habit of working from home and having a few RTDs during the afternoon is foiled.
I had a little cry before hoping he'd relent "but I'm so stressed due to the busy week ahead and how many emails I have to do, a couple of drinks would make it better". "No they won't". And he is right - the urge eventually passed and now I am fine.
Damn, I am annoyed at myself though - I would have been back to Day 1 tomorrow if he wasn't home.
It is a habit system I have to break as well as the whole idea that a few RTDs is a reward, a treat, a way of destressing etc. I've read in a few blogs that we should treat ourselves in other ways for the first few weeks so I'm going to go buy a couple of books online this evening as a treat (another addiction of mine).
Luckily tomorrow (Day 4) I won't be working from home and have a meeting at work with my boss until 4pm so my awful habit of working from home and having a few RTDs during the afternoon is foiled.
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